then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
