hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
