first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
