Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
