my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
