He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
