So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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