You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm passing your future prison.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
