I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My pussy is not your playground.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
