a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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