Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
