Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
