I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
