I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
