I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
