I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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