just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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