she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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