im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
