If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
