I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
