I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
