If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
