he puts the penis in happiness.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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