when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
