God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
