Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
