there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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