I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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