He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
