were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
