just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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