it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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