how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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