That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
