So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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