I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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