so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
