Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
