There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
