I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
