I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
