Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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