I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
