Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
