just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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