Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
