take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
