Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
