if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
